… the old is no more and the new is born. With change comes the need to process and get used to the new way. Grieving is a crucial step in the healing process. Feeling grief means being alive. There’s not much to do about it, but be aware there might be phases, and know that it shall pass.

“I will restore you to health and I will heal you of your wounds” –

Jeremiah 30:17

There is no timeframe for how fast or how long it might last. Each person is different and may experience it in a unique way. 

Like a storm, grief has its phases. Seek shelter, get a hot cup of tea, turn the fireplace on, get a fluffy quilt, sit in a comfortable chair, get a Kleenex box, and be still. Allow all the emotions to come, feel them, notice where in your body it’s manifesting, send love, accept it, allow it to be, let them pass, and be grateful for your awareness, for being able to experience and feel them. 

It’s important to understand that It’s ok not to be okay… Each one of us heals differently and takes a unique amount of time to shake the dust off and get back up to speed again. Because we live busy lives, it is very common, actually, to see people moving from one thing to another without allowing time to process and digest what happened. 

It is important to recognize and understand that it is part of the process, completely normal and necessary to go through it, so that you can get to the other side sane and sound.  

It is ok…

Recognize that you are going through a process that shall pass… don’t judge yourself.  Instead, make a self-agreement to be upset for a certain period of time, and allow yourself to feel the way you do. Accept, forgive yourself, sleep in, stay in PJ… it’s okay… 

Briefly below, are the 5 stages of the Mourning & Grieving process: 

Denial and Isolation

A defense mechanism that buffers the immediate shock, numbing us to our emotions. Deny the reality of the situation. Rationalize overwhelming emotions. 

Anger

Emotionally, we may even resent God for causing us pain. We feel guilty for being angry, and this makes us more angry.

Bargaining

The normal reaction to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability is often a need to regain control–

If only we had sought medical attention sooner…

If only we got a second opinion from another doctor…

If only we had tried to be a better person…

Secretly, we may make a deal with God or our higher power in an attempt to postpone the inevitable. This is a weaker line of defense to protect us from the painful reality.

Depression

Sadness and regret predominate this phase of grieving. 

Acceptance

Reaching this stage of mourning is a gift not afforded to everyone. Change may be sudden and unexpected or we may never see beyond our anger or denial. It isn’t necessarily a mark of bravery to resist the inevitable and deny ourselves the opportunity to make our peace. This phase is marked by withdrawal and calm but isn’t a period of happiness and must be distinguished from depression. 

Coping with a loss is a deeply personal and singular experience — nobody can help you go through it more easily or understand all the emotions that you’re going through.  But others can be there for you and help comfort you through this process. The best thing you can do is to allow yourself to feel the grief as it comes over you. Resisting it will only prolong the natural process of healing.

Dealing with Grief

Maybe during this time, you could…

• Make time for feeling the emotions that arise

There is no need to judge these emotions… it is ok to feel these, they will not last forever. You may even create a little ritual.

• Thank friends and tell them it is normal and natural to feel as you do

Friends may get more comfortable hearing this from you.

• Take care of yourself

Go out on a walk, and make sure to eat healthily.

• Open your eyes to the delights around you  

The wonders of life exist even in the midst of grief: a child’s smile or a flower smell or even the taste of your favorite food.  

• Take a break from feeling overwhelmed

Know your limits and allow yourself to take a break, make an agreement with grief to get back to it, or will take you all day.

• Help others you care about

Altruism can be a great way to move through grief. Maybe you’d like to volunteer or make some things for those you care about.

• Join others looking for help

Support has been known to be very helpful and so joining a grief or support group either online or in person can be supportive. 

“What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls it a butterfly.”

Loss is real. Sudden, unexpected loss is harder.

Remember to respect yourself, to believe it is okay not to be okay, that you need time to heal and most important, never judge yourself, or force yourself to get out of grief sooner than you need.

Remember to communicate your feelings to people around you so that they can support you during this process.

Inspired by what one of my mentors, Bob Proctor, said once, grief feels like staring at the ocean – feels infinite like it never ends… In the beginning is like this gigantic wave, that comes one after another,. It can be overwhelming, you barely have time to breathe or recompose yourself until the next one comes. As time passes, they reduce size and intensity, and they become a little smaller and more spaced. It never goes away, but after a while, the waves will be more manageable and might even bring sweet memories with them.

You will be okay… But you don’t have to go through this alone.

Please look for professional help, therapy, counseling, etc. It may help you…

Speaking about grief: https://fb.watch/melqMA8KLQ/?mibextid=Nif5oz

A True Story

I’m sitting in a quiet room at the Millcroft Inn, a peaceful little place hidden behind the pine trees about an hour out of Toronto. It’s just past noon, late July, and I’m listening to the desperate sounds of a life-or-death struggle going on a few feet away.

There’s a small fly burning out the last of its short life’s energies in a futile attempt to fly through the glass of a windowpane. The whining wings tell the poignant story of the fly’s strategy — try harder. But it’s not working, The frenzied effort offers no hope for survival. Ironically, the struggle is a part of the trap. It is impossible for the fly to try hard enough to succeed at breaking through the glass. Nevertheless, this little insect has staked its life on reaching its goal through raw effort and determination. This fly is doomed to die. It will die there on the windowsill.

Across the room, ten steps away, the door is open. Ten seconds of flying time and this small creature could reach the outside world it seeks. With only a fraction of the effort now being wasted, it could be free of this self-imposed trap. The breakthrough possibility is there. It would be so easy.

Why doesn’t the fly try another approach, something dramatically different? How did it get so locked in on the idea that this particular route, and determined effort, offers the most promise for success? What logic is there in continuing, until death, to seek a breakthrough with “more of the same”? No doubt this approach makes sense to the fly. Regrettably, it’s an idea that will kill.

“Trying harder” isn’t necessarily the solution to achieving more. It may not offer any real promise for getting what you want out of life. Sometimes, in fact, it’s a big part of the problem.

If you stake your hopes for a breakthrough on trying harder than ever, you may kill your chances for success.

The first time I heard this story I can’t begin to tell you how many bells rang to me… One of the strongest values imprinted by my father was “Work hard” and still you will barely make it. He’s a healthy 78 yo man and spend every single day working on his or my brother’s yard – every day from 9 to 5 with an hour for lunch. He is happy doing what he loves, being with himself with very few social interaction. The way he learned, strongly believe and still is loyal to.

A year ago I entered into a program and when responding to a questionnaire question I realized I was still living my life based on that very same value… First I got shocked, then I smiled and realized that the program must be really good, bringing stuff like that to the surface and giving me the opportunity to work them out.

I’ve been learning about quantum leaps, the Laws of the Universe, The effortless way, how our mind works. Lots of stuff that have already convinced me it does not have to be hard. It shouldn’t, actually.

I see a lot of people trying to hard to look easy, but because I am very good in reading between the lines, I can see what they are hiding. Worse than that, all I hear is what they are not saying. I am an empath and connect with people’s energy very easily. You can’t hide stuff from me, ever. I just know.

Interesting how on the other hand, there are a few people that “made it” and are desperate trying to show everyone that they too can do it.

Look at me, a cancer survivor, if I started telling you all the stuff I went through, it would look like a terror movie. I know people are living terrible things right now, and don’t want to say my case was worse than anyone.

What I am eager to show to the world is that this is how it looks like on the other side. It becomes almost an obsession to help others, to “convince” them of their birth rights, that they are “entitled” to a happy, healthy, fulfilled life, regardless what they are going through right now. I did, so can them.

We tend to get blind as we are experiencing stuff, trying too hard to be in control and make things happen “our way”, but it doesn’t work like that. Faith is what you need, to replace the fear of the worse case scenario with the faith in the best case scenario. That is the bridge.

As soon as you do that, you will notice how things changed, even though they are all the same – it is because you’ve changed the lenses on which you see the world – your perception and that alone will shift your whole world to a complete different place.

The most important one: Be yourself and be sure it is the best thing you can be. This is the only thing that will release you to freedom. Know that there is only one of you, you are unique, special and beautiful just the way you are. Better than that, once you are not trying to be someone else, but your true self, you will feel a drop in a huge weight out of your back and finally feel free.

“Blessed is she that believed; for there shall be a performance of those things which were told her from the Lord.”

Luke 1:45

The effortless way is how you might be able to fly to an open door…

Why is that we still doubt ourselves? Why is that we separate from the “entitled to miracles” and put ourselves in a undeserving category? If we truly want something, believe with all our strength that we can get it and work persistently, we will get it. There is no question about it. There are evidences everywhere… and if you do, what do you have to lose, really!?

Before ye call I will answer and while ye are yet speaking I will hear. Whatever needs to be done is already done. Whatever is needed is already supplied.

Jesus Christ

There is something about learning to be humble or we wouldn’t go to heaven; religious values that in my opinion, we got completely wrong. We tend to see only what is convenient to us, what justifies our lack of action and belief. Countless evidences states, even Jesus talks about the power we have, “Your faith has cured you”, “Because of what you believed you can now walk/see/stand/hear…”, to mention a few.

The piece below was extracted from this incredible book and I couldn’t help myself but share – all those items, every single one of them are and were already my truly belief. Now they are registered, spoken in somebody else’s voice, echoing mine. Number #9 is the one I find uniquely special.

“Ways to Strengthen Faith

1. Be expectant, confident, optimistic.

3. Charge your Mind with interest, enthusiasm, ambition

4. Keep your ambition and aspiration high; cultivate patience and perseverance.

5. Keep your imagination centred in what you want and keo your Faith moving toward it.

6. Keep your Consciousness expanding, growing and moving to higher levels.

7. Be positive in your thought, feeling, and action.

8. Accentuate the positive in every situation. Never allow yourself to dwell upon misery, sickness, operations, symptoms, reverses, misfortunes or bad luck.

9. Never depreciate, criticize, minimize or speak disparagingly of yourself. Never dwell upon your mistakes. Think always of yourself as growing, expanding and becoming more efficient, resourceful and dynamic.

10. Look for the good in everything and everybody. Refuse to recognize anything but the good.

11. Seek the best of everything and know that your Mind wil! produce it. 12. Think in large terms. The more you expect, the more your Faith will bring to you.

13. Convince your Mind that what you seek is already here, that it is yours now. 14. Train your Mind to think in terms of abundance; never allow it to dwell upon lack or limitation in any form.

15. Stimulate your faculties and talents by increasing your demands upon them.

16. When you meet trouble of any kind, refuse to be woried disturbed by it. Know that you are bigger than any adverse thing that happens to you and have the power to overcome it.

17. Meet every problem with the conviction that it is already solved. See it as an opportunity to prove God.

18. Face every difficulty with courage, strength, and fortitude; determine to turn it to good account.

19. Know that you have the power to adjust anything, change anything, correct anything, overcome anything, or subdue anything.

20. Act always with the Truth; and never allow yourself to compromise with evil. If the Truth is to make you free, you must rely upon it. You must pass from belief to trust.

21. Believe the unbelievable. God goes all out for you when you go all out for God.”

God works through FAITH by Dr. Robert A. Russell

I would remember a fantasy world…

A world where family used to sit around the table to have their meals together, talking, laughing, telling stories, speaking all the same time and magically listening to every conversation and replying in joy.

I would remember a world where my boys are close to me, very present and intentionally around, looking for advice, excited to share, rapt (extasiado) to tell me about something they’ve just experienced,  a girl they’ve just met, something about her smile, the way she moves her hand and touches her hair, the simple but breathtaking smile coordinated with her looking unintentionally until meeting their gaze…

I would remember a happily ever after life, the one I probably have lived, or not, but that I miss, one that exists in my own mind, with birds singing, sitting at the back porch looking at the mountains, feeling the breeze touching my face, the butterflies kissing the flowers and the humminbirds in their last journey before fall arrives in its majesty. 

I would remember an utopic love, truly soul mate, as I felt once, or twice… when I was 20 and then again when I was 35, before it had faded away to a far away land, which I no longer could smell its scent, feel its temperature, hear its sounds, see its enchantment or touch its form.  

So much for maturing and growing old…without realizing we stop living the present or imagining the future, but we use our creative minds to change the past, to color the happy pages, to add glitter to it and make it even brighter and happier. We skip or without any resentment we rip off the pages with the sad stories. But some, the ones we are proud of, we would frame and put in our imaginary living room, close to the mantel, as a reminder of our battles and the medals we’ve collected throughout the years. Scars that as years pass we become proud to share, to talk about our vulnerabilities, to show that we too were weak and unhappy, but we are okay with that.

I would make sure everyone knows how much I love them, not individually, because I truly believe I’ve done that throughout the journey, but that if they could imagine love in its greatest form, size, color, sound and smell; the strongest beating of the heart, the warmth of the 12o’clock sun, the awakening of a deep dive in a lake, the beauty of a sunset and the promise of a sunrise, and the brighteness of a full moon in a perfectly clear sky. My love would be present in all of it, and at the peaceful silence at the mountain top and the beauty of the landscape under their feet they would feel me, there, still present, somewhere they can’t see, but feel as they close their eyes.

I would imagine that I have never left my boys, neither for a second, that we have shared everything and more and it was never enough, such a great love we always have for one another. I would remember our moments together doing the dishes, talking about our day: the silliest things and that would mean the world. I would remember watching they opening the front door and coming inside the apartment where I would be already preparing dinner and they would walk into the tiny kitchen, kiss my chic and walk to their room. I would remember arriving from work, with my hands full of computer bag, pocket book, car keys and the groceries bags I’ve purchased in my way home, planning some special dinner and would see them sitting at the living room, watching TV, playing on the floor with Hot Wheels cars and tracks and laughing with the dog trying to be part of it all. 

I would remember minutes before getting into countless surgeries and waking up alive after them, so grateful for having another chance and opportunity to keep going and try to do it right that time. 

I would remember the Monday nights we used to go to my mother’s house to pray the rosary as a family. Sitting around the gigantic kitchen take to have dinner together, mom’s scrumptions food, and see the whole table taken by each one of us, still dressed from work. I would remember we all then moving to the living room after taken way too much time eating, but happily finding a place to sit, choosing the rosary we liked the best and all started praying; even the little kids knew all the prayers by heart and they would proudly pray and put tears into our eyes. We would pray fervently for all that asked for our prayers and our own, truly believing everything was going to be ok, to get resolved, to be healed, to pass… and they always did. 

I would remember my faith, how powerful it has always been and my ancestries and people I cared about that had already crossed the bridge and get excited with the idea of meeting them again and sharing all that they’ve missed since their departure… and I would look up and see Him, smiling; close my eyes smiling, remembering when He once told me:

–       You knew it was going to be short…

And with confidence, take my last breath in gratitude for all the blessings, the graces, the opportunities, the lessons, the people I met, the family I was chosen to be part of, or that have chosen me… for all that I did, said, had, for all the seeds I’ve planted, for the ones that germinated and the ones still in hibernation and I would go happily, with a feeling of completed mission and looking forward to experiencing the eternal life and to learn more about my role there… I will be in ecstasy to finally meet our Lord and live in Heaven happily ever after, this time, for real. 

Sheyla Zito

15Sep2020 12pm 1023 words from my back porch In Spring Hill, TN

Intuition is the whisper of the soul

Jiddu Krishnamurti

I was supposed to have a surgery today – nothing serious – but that has to be addressed eventually.

In a couple of hours I would be in an operation room, having a general anesthesia and only God knows what would have happened… I don’t, we don’t. I wasn’t congruent with any of this and even though have done researches, talked to the doctor multiple times and trust him and all, something was telling me to call it off.

I was brooding over this for a few days, until I decided it should be canceled.

I remember last year I had a plane to catch and canceled it 12 hours before the trip.

…Intuition is knowing without knowing…

I buy stocks in the financial market following my intuition.

It guides me, I trust it with my life. I suppose I will never know what would have happened if this, or that, but I am congruent with the way things are.

How about you, how much do you trust and follow your intuition?

Interesting thing, I woke up this morning with a song in my head and started singing as I first opened my eyes, decided to look it up the words, it was a Oswaldo Montenegro – a Brazilian singer – the guy with the long hair – and for my surprise – the song is called “Intuição” – which in English means Intuition…

a link below just in case you want to expand your cultural skills https://youtu.be/LiW2FFzYvwE

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10

I am the first sunlight in the horizon

I am the breeze that touches a rose’s petal

I am the ocean waves not sure if should go or come back

I am the autumn leaves wandering after an accomplished mission

I am the mystery life in other planets

I am an eagle hatching, the first heart bit in a mother’s womb

I am the silence of the grief

I am the wings of a hummingbird and the honey that makes it still

I am the feeling at the mountain peak

I am the infinity of the galaxies

I am the warmth of a sun kiss

I am the blossom of an early Spring

I am the rain, washing it all out

I am the sunset, bringing closure

I am the last breath of a faithful soul

I am the caterpillar’s hardest fight and its death

I am the awakening of a blue butterfly

I am as light as a feather descending, as strong as the thunder, as pure as a baby smile, as fragile as a dandelion in the wind, as delicate as an eyelash.

I am it all and I am nothing.

I am fire that burns, a bright star, a snowflake, a drop of salt water in the ocean.

I am an instrument, a small being, made human, ready to serve and to be, in its full potential.

I am the bridge that connects,

I am daughter of God.

Sheyla Zito, Monday Morning, 14SEP20 – Grandma’s birthday

Every time I have to face a situation that involves height it usually stops me. My first reaction is to move away from the place and hold myself somewhere. But as I am getting older I try to embrace my fears every opportunity I have. This day we were at The Lookout at the Pyramid & 28-Story Freestanding Elevator & Glass Observation Deck at the Bass Pro Shop in Memphis, TN.

There was a never ending elevator going up which has freaked me out before I even got there.

As we walked outside, I crawled and held myself at the base as we left the building and told myself I could never walk to the balcony…

What have you been telling yourself?

Empowering thoughts create strong feelings and impulse amazing actions…

That’s how I got to the edge and this picture was taken

Apparently I’ve inspired a lot of people that day and they have followed my path.

We need to pay attention to how we act we never know who is watching or following us… A few people came to talk to me and said they followed by steps, little by little one tiny foot in front of the other, not looking down the glass, neither the parking lot or the highway hundreds of meters underneath. They had FAITH. They copied me, focused on the horizon, on the vision and moved ahead, afraid, but confident that if other people could do, so could them… and they tried… and succeeded

To be BRAVE is to go for it in spite of fear – it is to make a conscious decision to do, to embrace, to take steps towards something you believe and want to. Just because I did not let fear stop me, look at the beautiful reward we were granted by God A gorgeous sunset!

Sadly, there are so many things we will never know what the outcome would be because we allowed our scared inner child stop us…

How many things we don’t experience and miss out because of fear!?