Every time there is a change, it is like a small death
… the old is no more and the new is born. With change comes the need to process and get used to the new way. Grieving is a crucial step in the healing process. Feeling grief means being alive. There’s not much to do about it, but be aware there might be phases, and know that it shall pass.
“I will restore you to health and I will heal you of your wounds” –
Jeremiah 30:17
There is no timeframe for how fast or how long it might last. Each person is different and may experience it in a unique way.
Like a storm, grief has its phases. Seek shelter, get a hot cup of tea, turn the fireplace on, get a fluffy quilt, sit in a comfortable chair, get a Kleenex box, and be still. Allow all the emotions to come, feel them, notice where in your body it’s manifesting, send love, accept it, allow it to be, let them pass, and be grateful for your awareness, for being able to experience and feel them.
It’s important to understand that It’s ok not to be okay… Each one of us heals differently and takes a unique amount of time to shake the dust off and get back up to speed again. Because we live busy lives, it is very common, actually, to see people moving from one thing to another without allowing time to process and digest what happened.
It is important to recognize and understand that it is part of the process, completely normal and necessary to go through it, so that you can get to the other side sane and sound.
It is ok…
Recognize that you are going through a process that shall pass… don’t judge yourself. Instead, make a self-agreement to be upset for a certain period of time, and allow yourself to feel the way you do. Accept, forgive yourself, sleep in, stay in PJ… it’s okay…
Briefly below, are the 5 stages of the Mourning & Grieving process:
Denial and Isolation
A defense mechanism that buffers the immediate shock, numbing us to our emotions. Deny the reality of the situation. Rationalize overwhelming emotions.
Anger
Emotionally, we may even resent God for causing us pain. We feel guilty for being angry, and this makes us more angry.
Bargaining
The normal reaction to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability is often a need to regain control–
If only we had sought medical attention sooner…
If only we got a second opinion from another doctor…
If only we had tried to be a better person…
Secretly, we may make a deal with God or our higher power in an attempt to postpone the inevitable. This is a weaker line of defense to protect us from the painful reality.
Depression
Sadness and regret predominate this phase of grieving.
Acceptance
Reaching this stage of mourning is a gift not afforded to everyone. Change may be sudden and unexpected or we may never see beyond our anger or denial. It isn’t necessarily a mark of bravery to resist the inevitable and deny ourselves the opportunity to make our peace. This phase is marked by withdrawal and calm but isn’t a period of happiness and must be distinguished from depression.
Coping with a loss is a deeply personal and singular experience — nobody can help you go through it more easily or understand all the emotions that you’re going through. But others can be there for you and help comfort you through this process. The best thing you can do is to allow yourself to feel the grief as it comes over you. Resisting it will only prolong the natural process of healing.
Dealing with Grief
Maybe during this time, you could…
- Make time for feeling the emotions that arise
There is no need to judge these emotions… it is ok to feel these, they will not last forever. You may even create a little ritual.
- Thank friends and tell them it is normal and natural to feel as you do
Friends may get more comfortable hearing this from you.
- Take care of yourself
Go out on a walk, and make sure to eat healthily.
- Open your eyes to the delights around you
The wonders of life exist even in the midst of grief: a child’s smile or a flower smell or even the taste of your favorite food.
- Take a break from feeling overwhelmed
Know your limits and allow yourself to take a break, make an agreement with grief to get back to it, or will take you all day.
- Help others you care about
Altruism can be a great way to move through grief. Maybe you’d like to volunteer or make some things for those you care about.
- Join others looking for help
Support has been known to be very helpful and so joining a grief or support group either online or in person can be supportive.
“What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls it a butterfly.”
Loss is real. Sudden, unexpected loss is harder.
Remember to respect yourself, to believe it is okay not to be okay, that you need time to heal and most important, never judge yourself, or force yourself to get out of grief sooner than you need.
Remember to communicate your feelings to people around you so that they can support you during this process.
Inspired by what one of my mentors, Bob Proctor, said once, grief feels like staring at the ocean – feels infinite like it never ends… In the beginning is like this gigantic wave, that comes one after another,. It can be overwhelming, you barely have time to breathe or recompose yourself until the next one comes. As time passes, they reduce size and intensity, and they become a little smaller and more spaced. It never goes away, but after a while, the waves will be more manageable and might even bring sweet memories with them.
You will be okay… But you don’t have to go through this alone.
Please look for professional help, therapy, counseling, etc. It may help you…
Speaking about grief: https://fb.watch/melqMA8KLQ/?mibextid=Nif5oz
