A True Story

I’m sitting in a quiet room at the Millcroft Inn, a peaceful little place hidden behind the pine trees about an hour out of Toronto. It’s just past noon, late July, and I’m listening to the desperate sounds of a life-or-death struggle going on a few feet away.

There’s a small fly burning out the last of its short life’s energies in a futile attempt to fly through the glass of a windowpane. The whining wings tell the poignant story of the fly’s strategy — try harder. But it’s not working, The frenzied effort offers no hope for survival. Ironically, the struggle is a part of the trap. It is impossible for the fly to try hard enough to succeed at breaking through the glass. Nevertheless, this little insect has staked its life on reaching its goal through raw effort and determination. This fly is doomed to die. It will die there on the windowsill.

Across the room, ten steps away, the door is open. Ten seconds of flying time and this small creature could reach the outside world it seeks. With only a fraction of the effort now being wasted, it could be free of this self-imposed trap. The breakthrough possibility is there. It would be so easy.

Why doesn’t the fly try another approach, something dramatically different? How did it get so locked in on the idea that this particular route, and determined effort, offers the most promise for success? What logic is there in continuing, until death, to seek a breakthrough with “more of the same”? No doubt this approach makes sense to the fly. Regrettably, it’s an idea that will kill.

“Trying harder” isn’t necessarily the solution to achieving more. It may not offer any real promise for getting what you want out of life. Sometimes, in fact, it’s a big part of the problem.

If you stake your hopes for a breakthrough on trying harder than ever, you may kill your chances for success.

The first time I heard this story I can’t begin to tell you how many bells rang to me… One of the strongest values imprinted by my father was “Work hard” and still you will barely make it. He’s a healthy 78 yo man and spend every single day working on his or my brother’s yard – every day from 9 to 5 with an hour for lunch. He is happy doing what he loves, being with himself with very few social interaction. The way he learned, strongly believe and still is loyal to.

A year ago I entered into a program and when responding to a questionnaire question I realized I was still living my life based on that very same value… First I got shocked, then I smiled and realized that the program must be really good, bringing stuff like that to the surface and giving me the opportunity to work them out.

I’ve been learning about quantum leaps, the Laws of the Universe, The effortless way, how our mind works. Lots of stuff that have already convinced me it does not have to be hard. It shouldn’t, actually.

I see a lot of people trying to hard to look easy, but because I am very good in reading between the lines, I can see what they are hiding. Worse than that, all I hear is what they are not saying. I am an empath and connect with people’s energy very easily. You can’t hide stuff from me, ever. I just know.

Interesting how on the other hand, there are a few people that “made it” and are desperate trying to show everyone that they too can do it.

Look at me, a cancer survivor, if I started telling you all the stuff I went through, it would look like a terror movie. I know people are living terrible things right now, and don’t want to say my case was worse than anyone.

What I am eager to show to the world is that this is how it looks like on the other side. It becomes almost an obsession to help others, to “convince” them of their birth rights, that they are “entitled” to a happy, healthy, fulfilled life, regardless what they are going through right now. I did, so can them.

We tend to get blind as we are experiencing stuff, trying too hard to be in control and make things happen “our way”, but it doesn’t work like that. Faith is what you need, to replace the fear of the worse case scenario with the faith in the best case scenario. That is the bridge.

As soon as you do that, you will notice how things changed, even though they are all the same – it is because you’ve changed the lenses on which you see the world – your perception and that alone will shift your whole world to a complete different place.

The most important one: Be yourself and be sure it is the best thing you can be. This is the only thing that will release you to freedom. Know that there is only one of you, you are unique, special and beautiful just the way you are. Better than that, once you are not trying to be someone else, but your true self, you will feel a drop in a huge weight out of your back and finally feel free.

“Blessed is she that believed; for there shall be a performance of those things which were told her from the Lord.”

Luke 1:45

The effortless way is how you might be able to fly to an open door…

Today I woke up to a world with one less friend… How is that possible? I am devastated. I can’t believe it, I just can’t. She’s so young, beautiful, full of life.

I’ve been working on my business, generating content, talking to my audience, engaging with people and for a very long time, I haven’t been “me”. I don’t even remember when was the last time I’ve posted something in my personal page or interacted with people there. Yesterday evening my husband shared one of our precious moments together in our back porch listening to the rain and Adriana Calcanhoto https://open.spotify.com/track/4XXaIb6V1u0X5Ao2xzeotr . So this morning I decided to log into my personal account and take a look… sent love to lots of people, engaged in some comments and kept scrolling until I saw it.

This is the second time that Facebook tells me that someone I truly care about is no long among us. I am not going to get into how unfair and sad this is. The first time was my grandmother – which seemed to be a racing among my cousins as there was some kind of prize to the first place. That is how I learned about her death. unbelievable. unforgettable. unforgivable. Thank God I was able to release all that pain already.

I’ve been thinking about Stacie for some time and meant to contact her. I felt like she had disappeared and I missed her. I remembered sending her a voice message after watching a movie where the antagonist looked just like her.

“Hard to believe it’s just been one year since I lost my dear friend.” said the post from a common friend Christine Partch.

I used to volunteer at Gilda’s Club Nashville, conceiving and delivering workshops for people impacted by Cancer based on my survival journey. Their mail letter informed me about the Creative Expressive Writing at VICC – https://news.vumc.org/2015/09/03/new-creative-writing-course-geared-for-cancer-community/ sponsored by Vanderbilt. Aware of English being my second language, I accepted their suggestion to use those moments as some kind of therapy, journaling or whatever I want to reflect on. That’s were I met Stacie, sometime between 2015 and 2016 at the Curb in those wonderful classes facilitated by Anna Silverstein.

The stories we heard from each person that wanted to share whatever the prompt inspired them to write about were so beautiful, profound and heart felt. It was impossible not to fall in love with one another, know their true self and finally understand the concept of Soul Mate. We not only spoke the same language but also shared the same pain. Trying to get back to “normal life” after a life sentencing diagnosis and experience…

Stacie was always very elegant in her jeans, t-shirt, comfortable shoes, scarfs on winter, a cross body bag, her iPhone and the keyboard where she would type her way out. Each and every time she would share what she wrote, I used to be amazed. How in 20 min writing someone can come up with that!? I used to think. But she did, and she wasn’t the only one. Getting back into my writing from those times, except for the poor English, grammar, syntax, concordance, etc the depth and the ideas were inspiring.

We’ve shared many workshops together and she was very supportive of my writing. So many times I remember her telling me to focus on the writing idea and forget everything else. I used to feel less because I was a foreigner, but they were all so wonderful to me. It was all in my head, I guess, but it hasn’t stopped me.

After being in so many workshops I decided to walk away for a bit. Without communicating to one another, it seemed like we all shared the same thoughts. Spring 2019 I decided to get back partially and met a whole new group of people. They were also wonderful and lovely, but not the original group, but I decided to stay as I realized how much I missed. They were working on an Anthology and I proudly submitted a few pieces of my writing work. Even though the facilitator of the class always changes after a couple of seasons, it is a blessing to know each one of them and to see how in the world is possible to always have wonderful people leading those amazing classes. Lina was the one that time, she was moving to Texas and Vandy organized a reception where each person could ready their piece.

That was the last time I saw Stacie. May 2019, just a few days before her birthday. She wasn’t in the class, but published the incredible memoir of her pilgrimage to Santiago de Compostela – which I remember her reading the raw piece as she came back from the trip and sharing with us in class, back in 2016/17. The original piece was called: “When I die, call Kevin”, to me, it was love at first sight. I am not sure how many editions and when she decided to change the title, but it has been perfect from the first version as I walked with her in her words.

I was so happy to see her again, it brought back memories of a happy time, when I first discovered my passion for writing, our group, the support, the fun, the meals we shared, the unconditional love and support to one another. It was the first time I saw her with hair and I couldn’t help myself but to comment how beautiful she was also with it. She smiled and touching it at the shoulders length mentioned how much and fast it’s growing again… She read her piece and I went back to Spain with her once again, and to the classes at the West End Avenue over breakfast, in front of the Parthenon, where she first shared her treasure with us.

I left the bathroom this morning and couldn’t stop crying. I couldn’t believe it has been a whole year she is no longer in this dimension. I missed her puppies posts, her birthday donations posts on her birthday, her smile, spontaneity, authenticity, her angelic way of being herself.

It is not natural to see someone that young leaving. I still can’t believe it.

I found her everywhere as I was looking for comfort throughout the day and had to pay an homage to her. I am so grateful we’ve met, shared so much during our human experience. I can’t describe my state of gratitude for her legacy and how much she’s been, done and inspired us. I also stole a piece from her blog, written by her loved ones, which I second to the letter…

“Although she is gone, she is forever in our hearts.  She touched so many lives during her short time on earth.  Stacie was grateful for every life experience and viewed everything as a new adventure.  As she laid knowing the end was near, she said,

“I’m excited to see what’s on the other side.”  

Stacie Chevrier

May we all take a piece of Stacie’s grace, wisdom, optimism and enlightenment with us every day on our journey through life.  RIP Stacie. Forever Young.  Forever Beautiful.  We love you so much!

I told my husband about it all, back at the swing in our porch this morning and mentioned that voice message I left her, when I realized I’ve never checked it back, and then I did…

“Thank you Sheyla! So sweet to hear your voice.:)

Don’t let it kill you, before you die

Stacie Chevrier