… the old is no more and the new is born. With change comes the need to process and get used to the new way. Grieving is a crucial step in the healing process. Feeling grief means being alive. There’s not much to do about it, but be aware there might be phases, and know that it shall pass.

“I will restore you to health and I will heal you of your wounds” –

Jeremiah 30:17

There is no timeframe for how fast or how long it might last. Each person is different and may experience it in a unique way. 

Like a storm, grief has its phases. Seek shelter, get a hot cup of tea, turn the fireplace on, get a fluffy quilt, sit in a comfortable chair, get a Kleenex box, and be still. Allow all the emotions to come, feel them, notice where in your body it’s manifesting, send love, accept it, allow it to be, let them pass, and be grateful for your awareness, for being able to experience and feel them. 

It’s important to understand that It’s ok not to be okay… Each one of us heals differently and takes a unique amount of time to shake the dust off and get back up to speed again. Because we live busy lives, it is very common, actually, to see people moving from one thing to another without allowing time to process and digest what happened. 

It is important to recognize and understand that it is part of the process, completely normal and necessary to go through it, so that you can get to the other side sane and sound.  

It is ok…

Recognize that you are going through a process that shall pass… don’t judge yourself.  Instead, make a self-agreement to be upset for a certain period of time, and allow yourself to feel the way you do. Accept, forgive yourself, sleep in, stay in PJ… it’s okay… 

Briefly below, are the 5 stages of the Mourning & Grieving process: 

Denial and Isolation

A defense mechanism that buffers the immediate shock, numbing us to our emotions. Deny the reality of the situation. Rationalize overwhelming emotions. 

Anger

Emotionally, we may even resent God for causing us pain. We feel guilty for being angry, and this makes us more angry.

Bargaining

The normal reaction to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability is often a need to regain control–

If only we had sought medical attention sooner…

If only we got a second opinion from another doctor…

If only we had tried to be a better person…

Secretly, we may make a deal with God or our higher power in an attempt to postpone the inevitable. This is a weaker line of defense to protect us from the painful reality.

Depression

Sadness and regret predominate this phase of grieving. 

Acceptance

Reaching this stage of mourning is a gift not afforded to everyone. Change may be sudden and unexpected or we may never see beyond our anger or denial. It isn’t necessarily a mark of bravery to resist the inevitable and deny ourselves the opportunity to make our peace. This phase is marked by withdrawal and calm but isn’t a period of happiness and must be distinguished from depression. 

Coping with a loss is a deeply personal and singular experience — nobody can help you go through it more easily or understand all the emotions that you’re going through.  But others can be there for you and help comfort you through this process. The best thing you can do is to allow yourself to feel the grief as it comes over you. Resisting it will only prolong the natural process of healing.

Dealing with Grief

Maybe during this time, you could…

• Make time for feeling the emotions that arise

There is no need to judge these emotions… it is ok to feel these, they will not last forever. You may even create a little ritual.

• Thank friends and tell them it is normal and natural to feel as you do

Friends may get more comfortable hearing this from you.

• Take care of yourself

Go out on a walk, and make sure to eat healthily.

• Open your eyes to the delights around you  

The wonders of life exist even in the midst of grief: a child’s smile or a flower smell or even the taste of your favorite food.  

• Take a break from feeling overwhelmed

Know your limits and allow yourself to take a break, make an agreement with grief to get back to it, or will take you all day.

• Help others you care about

Altruism can be a great way to move through grief. Maybe you’d like to volunteer or make some things for those you care about.

• Join others looking for help

Support has been known to be very helpful and so joining a grief or support group either online or in person can be supportive. 

“What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls it a butterfly.”

Loss is real. Sudden, unexpected loss is harder.

Remember to respect yourself, to believe it is okay not to be okay, that you need time to heal and most important, never judge yourself, or force yourself to get out of grief sooner than you need.

Remember to communicate your feelings to people around you so that they can support you during this process.

Inspired by what one of my mentors, Bob Proctor, said once, grief feels like staring at the ocean – feels infinite like it never ends… In the beginning is like this gigantic wave, that comes one after another,. It can be overwhelming, you barely have time to breathe or recompose yourself until the next one comes. As time passes, they reduce size and intensity, and they become a little smaller and more spaced. It never goes away, but after a while, the waves will be more manageable and might even bring sweet memories with them.

You will be okay… But you don’t have to go through this alone.

Please look for professional help, therapy, counseling, etc. It may help you…

Speaking about grief: https://fb.watch/melqMA8KLQ/?mibextid=Nif5oz

– “I don’t want to get sick.”, “I don’t want have debt.”, “I don’t want to die young.”, “I don’t want to arrive late at work.”, “I don’t want to get depressed.”, “I do not want to overeat.” … and the list goes on…

The weird thing is that all that they seem to avoid is what end up by happening…

It is really amazing how aware people are of all the things they DO NOT WANT. But when you ask them:

– What do you really want?

They look at you like you’ve just landed from Mars…

– I just told you… they reply not understanding what you are talking about.

Ask, and it shall be given to you. Seek, and you shall find. Knock, and it shall be opened to you.

Matthew 7:7

We think in images. Our conscious mind creates images as indexes and a sophisticated searching mechanism. Each time we hear or say something, the brain “creates” an image to identify what that is; and the interesting thing is, even when we add “don’t” before the thing it still does the same work: either creates the new image or Retrieve a previous one once stored.

Let’s say I tell you: “do not think of a blue vase“!

<wait a few seconds> Tell me, what happened!?

Did you think of a blue vase, or did you not?

I bet you did

Second question: how did you blue vase look like!?

I googled: “blue vase” and saw thousands of images that I would never have imagined a blue vase would look like… then I found this one here and thought it was very interesting…

Did your blue vase look like this one!?

I bet it did not

But Why, you might be asking!?

You said “DO NOT” think of a blue vase!

Why did I think of it?

Because, as I’ve mentioned, we think in images and at the moment I said blue vase, perhaps there was already a register of a blue vase in our brain – from a time in your life – that you probably don’t even recall, but it was there… it was indexed, so as your brain captured the information required – “Blue Vase” – like a searching mechanism, it looked for all that somewhat matched that request (pretty much what google does) and immediately brought you the image related to what you’ve heard of and instantaneously thought of.

Your mind found what you were searching for – made an association – then, only after that, it tried to apply the “do not”, “don’t”, “not”, “never”, etc… but because the image was already there, created or retrieved, by the time you recognize it was a negative request, it is too late. The whole process had already happened.

It seems complicated, but really it isn’t.

Do you recall someone trying to tell a small child or a baby to not do something and the very second they finish the sentence, the kid did exactly what was asked – like they were given a command: “Do not put your finger in the outlet“, “do not touch the stove“, “Do not throw the toy“… and as an urge to please the asking parent, the baby did it all, proudly as it was requested (and their brain knew how to process the information).

No matter how old we get, we still operate the same way.

That is why it is so important to say and state all the things you want. All that you wish to see happening and you would like to have. Instead of chanting to the Universe all the problems, bad relationships, abusive jobs, illness, debts and other things you DO NOT want in your life.

Now you know, you are aware.

Next time you catch yourself thinking, telling yourself or even talking to others that way, STOP. Take a deep breath and think what is the opposite of those bad things you were thinking about… How would you say that in a positive way?

Because we were conditioned to think like this a very long time ago, some people have difficulties thinking the positive way.

Here are a few examples: “I want to be healthy, happy and fulfilled”, ” I want to live fully and prosper”, “I want to enjoy the lifestyle I’ve always wanted and deserve”, “I want to live in my dream home.”, “I want to have a respectful, loving, affectionate and good looking partner.”, “I want to be close to and to spend quality time with the people I love.”, “I want to do what I love and create a profitable life using my God giving talents.”, “I want to practice gratitude daily.”, “I want to let it go things, resentments and bad experiences.”, “I want to forgive and be forgiven.”, …and so much more…

What is that you want?

Imagine for a second about the pizza ordering system. When you think or say something, that “request” is heard and registered and the process of making it happen, starts. The more you talk about, think of it and get emotionally attached to it, faster it will be ready for delivery.

Let’s play a little bit with one of our mental faculties here: our Imagination.

Every time you say or think of things, I want you to imagine sound waves – carrying it out to the Universe all your wishes and desires. To represent the process of the Universe “listening to you” and “processing your requests” to getting things done, imagine you’ve rubbed the lamp and a genius pops up. No matter what it is, good or bad things – you will get it. The more involved you get, the more emotional and connected to the feeling of “already seeing it happen”, more probable it shall happen and materialize into the physical world.

Whatever you say, imagine the Universe responding to you:

– “Your wish is my command!”

Knowing that, what would you focus on, now that you are aware?

Would you ask for what you’ve been avoiding or the things you truly want?

What is that you really really want?

Say it out loud. Write it down. Make a list.

BELIEVE.

Repeat it to yourself daily until it happens!

Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.

There are so many things in life that we can count on people’s help and we often should. However, there are a few things that only we can do for ourselves: eat, exercise, go to the bathroom, learn, experience things like dancing in the rain, the first kiss, love, among so many other indescribable moments.

Sure someone can cook the meal and even assist us in the process, but the act of eating is our own job. The same works for exercising, you can go to the gym, follow someone’s program on social media, but you have to put your body into the motions to exercise. Learning is another one, there are tons of tools, methodologies and content available, but the act of learning is your own and no one else can do it for you. The same works for changing your life. There are external forces and many times environmental triggers that can somehow impact or even “motivate” us to the process, but if we decide to stay as we are, change won’t happen.

The changing process starts the very moment you make a decision to do so. Many say that the Universe starts conspiring for your wish to come true and it often happens once your mind is aligned and congruent with the idea. Many watched “The Secret” movie a decade ago or so and thought it was too much… Perhaps…

There are intrinsic forces behind somethings that are invisible to our eyes, but real. A thought impact our feelings, which impact our behavior, which affect our habits and change the outcome of our results. So the mindset to change something, if taken serious can actually have some kind of “magic power”. However, like putting the raw food on the top of the stove and expect it to be cooked by itself, to finally make something happen, an action needs to take place.

This is one of those things that only you can do if you truly want to change your life!