free yourself up – Live Fully Today Blog

Freedom

Sheyla Zito — Mon, 15 Nov 2021 20:33:55 +0000

After one of my sessions with my therapist, we were talking about how I can be independent, autonomy and happy no matter where I am, with the person I am, doing whatever I am doing – how can I be myself fully – regardless – as a reflection he asked me to write about – what is freedom to me.

Interesting enough I had just read the amazing book The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself by Michael A. Singer. At the end of the book, he talks about “Unconditional Happiness”, which means making a decision to be happy no matter what happens to you, in your life – I love that concept

I see lots of people practicing “Conditional Happiness” – once this or that happens I will be happy, after I heal, as soon as I get a job, if I get the promotion… I’m sure when I find someone… when we get married… by the time we have kids… there is an infinite list of things that must happen.

But the challenge is truly to put all those things aside and make a decision that no matter what happens, be happy. Even if your wife leaves you, even if your husband dies, or the stock market crashes, or your car breaks down or even if you go to jail. – says the author

“Do you want to be happy from this point forward for the rest of your life, regardless of what happens?”
There are no ifs, ands, or buts about it. It’s not a question of whether your happiness is under your control. Of course it’s under your control. It’s just what you don’t really mean it when you say you’re willing to stay happy. You want to qualify it. You want to say that as long as this doesn’t happen, or as long as that does happen, then you’re willing to be happy. That’s why it seems like it is out of your control. Any condition you create will limit your happiness. You simply aren’t going to be able to control things and keep them the way you want them.
Michael A. Singer

Why are you talking about happiness, if this post is about freedom, Sheyla, you may be asking yourself? Well, think about, are they related or not?

…and here is what I came up with speaking about Freedom

Freedom for me is doing what I want, when I want, and the way I want.
Dress as I choose, buy what I like, enjoy what gives me pleasure.

Freedom for me is being the owner of my own nose, coming and going as I please.

Freedom for me is to express myself freely, do what I want, without judging me or caring about what the others think, says or how they act towards me.

Freedom for me is choosing the life I want, having what is important to me, enjoying it with whoever I am with, anytime and for as long as I want. (Does this sound like I’m using the other person? It did as I first wrote, but now, it sounds like basics to me, isn’t!? If I am not to choose my own life, who else?)

Freedom is embodying my convictions, being true to them until I change my mind – and being okay with that too!

The more I write the more I realize how to be free is to be selfish… is it? And being selfish is ugly. It’s not a God’s thing. Is it? What about the thing about loving my neighbor as thyself? If I don’t love myself, how can I understand or either love others?

It sounds like a mess…, is it? Not? To me now, it’s really seems to be clear.

Freedom is breathing, moving, going, staying, looking, feeling, smelling, eating, touching, listening to what I want, when I want, as much as I want, however I want, whenever I want and for as long as I want, anytime I want.

Ah this is freedom. Decide what to think, what to want, what to imagine, what to rationalize, what to follow, what to believe. It’s putting my will into work and to act upon whatever I feel inspired to. It is choosing the perspective I want and that suits me, it’s having faith that what I’m doing (or not doing) is the right thing. Freedom is being aware of it all, honoring each one of them and feeling good about myself. It’s knowing I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be, doing the right thing and exactly what I’m doing (or not doing) and the way I’m doing it – with or without company – I pick.

Freedom is listening without having to react, choosing what moves me or makes me reflect. It’s understanding that it’s up to me, only me, to act or not, to do or not, to have or not, to be or not. Sounds complex… It isn’t, really, now as I read it all seem way too simple.

Freedom is being 100% responsible for me, in all aspects, body, mind and spirit. Being in control, in charge, or getting carried away. Freedom is understanding that my life, my results, my appearance, my relationships, my profession, absolutely everything was (or is) my choice, or lack of it (which is also a choice), my consequence (depending on what I did or did not – now as I hear myself saying it – “I stopped doing it” sounds like I was supposed to have done something but didn’t honor with my commitment ” – but I get it now that it is not the case at all), my decisions.

Freedom is allowing my gifts and talents to unfold without judgment.

To be authentic, real, natural, express myself fully, expand, grow, stay, move, go for it, get some rest, take a day off, have a PJ day, run a marathon, play when I feel like it, start something new, stop something I don’t like, get rid of what doesn’t spark joy anymore, buy what pleases my eyes or makes my heart sing.

Being free is to be myself truly, all of it, or none of it, anytime, anywhere, anyway, my most divine being, my best version, me here & now and be okay with it.

Freedom is to own all the concepts I choose to label myself and to get rid of the ones someone else given but don’t represent me at all. Freedom is to be confident, exuberant, a free spirit, beautiful, sophisticated, elegant, powerful, a believer, a relentless student, faithful, limitless, a leader, a follower, a server, a survivor, an inspiration, a motivador, a speaker, a woman ahead of her time, a blessing, an angel, a daughter of God, a treasure finder, a grateful heart, an appreciator, conscious awareness, love, light, compassion, harmony, peace and more. Freedom is to embody each one of those magnificent descriptions of God’s perfect creation. It is to be all of it, or none of it when it fits me. Freedom is to be okay with and not even make a big deal about going towards things, places and people I choose to and want more of or walk away from the ones that have already served their purpose in my life. It is to experience life my own unique way, living in this body I was entrusted and enjoy my exclusive freewill.

To be free is to show up in my most naked self, with or without make up on, in a good or bad hair day, perfect or bitten nails, over or under weight, respecting myself as I look in the mirror and deal with others and respecting others no matter what they do, say or how they act.

Freedom is to always find a way to bring something good to someone, to cheer up their day, bring light to their lives, a smile to their face, hope to their heart, while bring truth to myself and my unique way of living.

Freedom is to forgive myself and others and let it go the poison it brings to my mind, it is to silence my busy self-talk and to tune into what I decide to listen to. It is to feel okay when I am not okay and to dance and jump around when I am in full ecstasy and excitement. Freedom is to walk barefoot, enjoy walking in the rain, dance when I hear “Dancing Queen”, cry each and every time there’s an upcoming overflow of tears in my eyes. Freedom is to get involved deeply, let myself go, stay with it and allow all the feeling to take me over. It is to be insane, love something and a minutes later change my opinion and be okay with that. Freedom is to walk away from what I once loved, but no longer do; it is to not be eternally responsible for what I’ve once cultivated. Freedom is to express my opposite vision of the Little Prince MO and whoever else, of course respectfully having my own point of view and understanding people that happen to have a different opinion – and remain friends with them – if that’s what both sides want…

Freedom is simple, it is simply to live my own, exclusive, unique life. Freedom is to say all these things, to own my truth and feel myself proud.

If I got to be free, I’ve got to be me, Not the “me” you think I should be, not the “me” my spouse thinks I should be, not the “me” my kids think I should be. If I got to be free, I’ve got to me, the “me” I should be.
Bob Proctor

Feel free to agree… In order for me to be free, I’ve got to be me. That’s it!

Are you free!? What is freedom for you?

I can’t believe you did that!

Sheyla Zito — Thu, 01 Apr 2021 00:21:18 +0000

How many times have you said those very words to yourself?

I myself can relate to that.

There has been a time in my life when I realized how many bad decisions I made, how poorly I have chosen things and how clueless I was in my approach and the way I experienced life.

It happened right after the moment I realized how unhappy I was.

It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.”
Epictetus (55-135) Greek Philosopher

It was my 30th birthday. I woke up and did not want to leave the room, I did not want to see anyone. All I cared about was my 5yo son and the baby I was carrying in my belly, nothing else. I used to live in a tiny 40 mts2 apt with my ex-husband and his mother. It was very complicated.

The marriage was wrong from the beginning, circumstances brought me to that very moment. Four months after my baby was born, I was diagnosed with Melanoma and another one two months later. I had to stop breastfeeding my baby and to me it was the most devastating part of the story.

I had moved away from my family because I was convinced no one loved me or even cared for me. I was alone. It was hard. Two years later another cancer threat scared me and I believed it was my time to die. It was real, I was devastated, depressed and hopeless.

How I came out of that is subject for another day, but thank God I did and am so grateful for it.

Years after my separation I learned to forgive… I thought I did, but I truly did not. It happened while working on my annulment paperwork…

As I relived every single episode of my story, what happened to me and how I used to blame my parents for being in that marriage, my ex-husband for being the way he was and myself for getting stuck into that situation…

I understood that whatever my parents did, imposed or said was because of their belief system, the way they learned how to live, to survive based on their own education, life experiences, perception, how they were raised and so much more. It was not their fault, but the way they saw the world, and it was their reality. The positive intention behind all that was to protect me – the way they knew how to do it. And I forgave them.

The same for my ex-husband, who had his own traumas and problems in life that have never been resolved and he kept living the same relationship with different people – it just happened that at that time I was the victim…

The hardest one was to look into all that I did, chose, things I wish I took another route… Of course looking from today’s eyes, things seemed obvious. Thank God I have evolved. If I had to make the same decisions today, of course they would be different, but at that time, I convinced myself that it was what I knew and did the best I could then. I saw myself as a my younger version, begging for understanding, acceptance, forgiveness and love and I made a decision to surrender to that beautiful young and naive soul. I have also chosen to believe that I am living my own journey – as everyone else – and that there is no right or wrong, but the choices I make that will determine the outcome of it all – and of course the consequences.

Each day is a new day, a new opportunity to start new, fresh and in a clean slate. Making peace with all that have hurt you has nothing to do with them, but freeing yourself up – so that you can finally fly.

The “F” word

Sheyla Zito — Mon, 14 Sep 2020 14:56:24 +0000

Remember the good, let go of the rest!
unknown

It is so easy to hold on to bad feelings, to keep going back to moments that let us down. To play over and over again one scene of our lives when things did not go well: the way they were supposed to, the way we wanted, the way we expected…

We did or said something that when we realized was already too late.

Somebody acted in a way towards us that we are still staring at the moment, even after years have passed.

Something happened – and it was not good – it was our fault or someone else’s but the moment got spoiled.

We hear a lot about the “F” word, but when it come to us, it is finally our turn to use it, seems way too difficult to embrace it.

There is nothing harder in life than to practice F O R G I V E N E S S.

No matter if it is going back trying to make amendments regarding ourselves, the way we behaved, the words we chose, the ton of voice we used, the gestures, or just the opposite, our silence and lack of action. Of course after the fact, it is easy to assess and know better. It is like investing in the financial market. At the end of the day, you know exactly the moments you should have bought, you should have sold, or you should have stayed put. However, being present in a live-real time world is harder, making decisions as stuff happen, responding and many times overreacting to situations, some in a way we didn’t mean to.

Looking back we know exactly what we were suppose to do, or to say, but didn’t and now we have to live with all that luggage with us forever, right!?

Wrong. We do not need to keep carrying any garbage with us. Don’t we do Spring Cleaning and other “seasonal” decluttering to get rid of the old and give space to the new!? Why is it so hard to do the same thing with our minds, our memories, our unsettled moments, our “unhappy ending” stories? There are always good things to remember, there is always something, one tiny little positive thing to carry with you – even if you need to use a magnifying glass to find it – that is where we should focus on and release us from the negativity of those “let down” scenes.

Picture: Richard Brutyo Thanks!

The only way to set us free is to put forgiveness in practice:

Ask for forgiveness
Forgive others
Forgive yourself

No matter if the other side (or your older or younger self) is not ready to go along with your kindness…. it is not about them. It is all about you, stop carrying the heavy bag with all the hurt, sorrow, pain, regrets etc. You make peace with the moment, the person, yourself in another life moment. They will eventually have to do the same, whenever they are ready, but by then, you might be already flying, exploring new endeavors…