There are so many people in the world desperate trying to find their other half – their better part… How terrible is that!?

What a let down to imagine that we have to outsource to find “our better part”!

Thousands of people are looking for the “perfect partner” without realizing that before that happen they must become the “perfect partner”. You won’t be able to understand and love someone else before you truly love yourself first.

If you are looking for your best part – means that if you can’t find it, you are stuck with your worst part!? Think about it…

We are not halves. We are entire.

Even the Bible tell us:

You shall love your neighbor as yourself

Mark 12:31

If you don’t love yourself, understand, respect yourself, how you are going to be able to love someone else? We all have different roots, family history, culture, education, life experience, relationships, physical bodies, colors, shapes and sizes. That combination added to your distinct and sometimes extreme levels of psychological, emotional and spiritual intelligence can alone be the ingredient to set you in a unique path in life.

People forget that every day we set the bar in how we want the world to treat us. How we take care of ourselves, put ourselves first – so that we can take care of others! Each time we say “yes” to others not wanting to, we are truly saying “no” to ourselves – being incongruent – creating mental and later on physical illness. We null ourselves so that we can “please” others – another perfect recipe for failure in relationships.

The world is full of “givers” and “takers” -The first ones – usually with self-esteem issues – can’t stop giving and have such a hard time accepting – until one day they fall into exhaustion and drop dead into depression. And on the other side there will always be the takers – the opportunists – trying to take advantage of all givers. Sadly one attracts the other until they realize their modus operandi; we don’t need to worry about the bloody suckers, they too will get their life’s lesson.

I know a lot of people who have the very same relationship with different people – they keep repeating the same pattern without realizing – and keep changing the antagonist – frustrated how they can never find the right person – again, they don’t get that until they become the right person, they will never attract such partner.

Everyone is looking for like minded people to be around. Wouldn’t be wonderful to find someone to share life with in that same state of mind!? Many people do and might experience their happily ever after – snapshots reflect that. What they fail to realize is that there is a constant evolution – we evolve as beings, experiencing our own journeys regardless who is our partner – and somehow believe we can still fit the new into the old “model”. I’ve heard the other day a priest saying that when a man finally meets “the woman” or vice-versa, that’s what their inner-voice sound like:

Him: – She is perfect. I hope she never changes…

Her: – He is great, not perfect but with me by his side, he will change…

What most likely will happen is:

Men expected they didn’t, but the certain thing is women will change

Women thought they could do it, but the truth is, men won’t change – unless they reach that need and make the choice by themselves.

Nobody changes anybody. We plant seeds, we cultivate, we suggest, we recommend, we set the bar, we take action, but we CANNOT change someone else – that is a inner decision and takes a lot time, investment, effort, persistence and patience (from the other side).

You can lead a horse to water, but you can‘t make it drink.

John Heywood

We are not the same person we were 10, 5 or even 2 years ago. The same happens to our partner – or partner-to-be. Life happens both sides, values & beliefs influence our life’s journey, circumstances might affect the way we perceive experiences, how we make decisions, what is important to us or not.

Some people believe and even say: “I am good. I am married already.” like it was a title they conquered and it doesn’t require maintenance. Being with someone is a daily decision, a choice we make.

We must invest in ourselves, to educate, to build what we want, to defend and fight for what we believe, to become entire, sure of ourselves, free and happy. Then it might happen in the process that the energy you emanate will touch another person in a similar journey and you will meet.

You don’t wait until you meet someone to become the person you wanna be, to determine your values & beliefs and to set your convictions. We are all under construction and grow with time once we invest into it and are influenced by the people we respect and admire. But we must be entire each step of the process and have an open mind to accept new perspectives.

The secret for a perfect relationship is to have each other truly committed and investing daily to help their partner become their Best Version. Understand what is important to the other, what they value, listen to them, help them transform their weakness, believe in them, empower their strengths, trust, love unconditionally, value their expertise, respect their point of view and try to learn from them. By both doing that you will build your unique foundation and grow you own perfect castle together.

Life is light and fun when you have someone to laugh about your own imperfections, the silly things you do every day, a person to play with and to make fun – your favorite weirdo.

It is a joy to experience life with a person you trust and want to be with. Another human being completely different, but that you can truly be yourself. Someone entire, that met another resolved, great being – not perfect – but the one that you want and choose to share life together.

I would remember a fantasy world…

A world where family used to sit around the table to have their meals together, talking, laughing, telling stories, speaking all the same time and magically listening to every conversation and replying in joy.

I would remember a world where my boys are close to me, very present and intentionally around, looking for advice, excited to share, rapt (extasiado) to tell me about something they’ve just experienced,  a girl they’ve just met, something about her smile, the way she moves her hand and touches her hair, the simple but breathtaking smile coordinated with her looking unintentionally until meeting their gaze…

I would remember a happily ever after life, the one I probably have lived, or not, but that I miss, one that exists in my own mind, with birds singing, sitting at the back porch looking at the mountains, feeling the breeze touching my face, the butterflies kissing the flowers and the humminbirds in their last journey before fall arrives in its majesty. 

I would remember an utopic love, truly soul mate, as I felt once, or twice… when I was 20 and then again when I was 35, before it had faded away to a far away land, which I no longer could smell its scent, feel its temperature, hear its sounds, see its enchantment or touch its form.  

So much for maturing and growing old…without realizing we stop living the present or imagining the future, but we use our creative minds to change the past, to color the happy pages, to add glitter to it and make it even brighter and happier. We skip or without any resentment we rip off the pages with the sad stories. But some, the ones we are proud of, we would frame and put in our imaginary living room, close to the mantel, as a reminder of our battles and the medals we’ve collected throughout the years. Scars that as years pass we become proud to share, to talk about our vulnerabilities, to show that we too were weak and unhappy, but we are okay with that.

I would make sure everyone knows how much I love them, not individually, because I truly believe I’ve done that throughout the journey, but that if they could imagine love in its greatest form, size, color, sound and smell; the strongest beating of the heart, the warmth of the 12o’clock sun, the awakening of a deep dive in a lake, the beauty of a sunset and the promise of a sunrise, and the brighteness of a full moon in a perfectly clear sky. My love would be present in all of it, and at the peaceful silence at the mountain top and the beauty of the landscape under their feet they would feel me, there, still present, somewhere they can’t see, but feel as they close their eyes.

I would imagine that I have never left my boys, neither for a second, that we have shared everything and more and it was never enough, such a great love we always have for one another. I would remember our moments together doing the dishes, talking about our day: the silliest things and that would mean the world. I would remember watching they opening the front door and coming inside the apartment where I would be already preparing dinner and they would walk into the tiny kitchen, kiss my chic and walk to their room. I would remember arriving from work, with my hands full of computer bag, pocket book, car keys and the groceries bags I’ve purchased in my way home, planning some special dinner and would see them sitting at the living room, watching TV, playing on the floor with Hot Wheels cars and tracks and laughing with the dog trying to be part of it all. 

I would remember minutes before getting into countless surgeries and waking up alive after them, so grateful for having another chance and opportunity to keep going and try to do it right that time. 

I would remember the Monday nights we used to go to my mother’s house to pray the rosary as a family. Sitting around the gigantic kitchen take to have dinner together, mom’s scrumptions food, and see the whole table taken by each one of us, still dressed from work. I would remember we all then moving to the living room after taken way too much time eating, but happily finding a place to sit, choosing the rosary we liked the best and all started praying; even the little kids knew all the prayers by heart and they would proudly pray and put tears into our eyes. We would pray fervently for all that asked for our prayers and our own, truly believing everything was going to be ok, to get resolved, to be healed, to pass… and they always did. 

I would remember my faith, how powerful it has always been and my ancestries and people I cared about that had already crossed the bridge and get excited with the idea of meeting them again and sharing all that they’ve missed since their departure… and I would look up and see Him, smiling; close my eyes smiling, remembering when He once told me:

–       You knew it was going to be short…

And with confidence, take my last breath in gratitude for all the blessings, the graces, the opportunities, the lessons, the people I met, the family I was chosen to be part of, or that have chosen me… for all that I did, said, had, for all the seeds I’ve planted, for the ones that germinated and the ones still in hibernation and I would go happily, with a feeling of completed mission and looking forward to experiencing the eternal life and to learn more about my role there… I will be in ecstasy to finally meet our Lord and live in Heaven happily ever after, this time, for real. 

Sheyla Zito

15Sep2020 12pm 1023 words from my back porch In Spring Hill, TN