There are so many people in the world desperate trying to find their other half – their better part… How terrible is that!?

What a let down to imagine that we have to outsource to find “our better part”!

Thousands of people are looking for the “perfect partner” without realizing that before that happen they must become the “perfect partner”. You won’t be able to understand and love someone else before you truly love yourself first.

If you are looking for your best part – means that if you can’t find it, you are stuck with your worst part!? Think about it…

We are not halves. We are entire.

Even the Bible tell us:

You shall love your neighbor as yourself

Mark 12:31

If you don’t love yourself, understand, respect yourself, how you are going to be able to love someone else? We all have different roots, family history, culture, education, life experience, relationships, physical bodies, colors, shapes and sizes. That combination added to your distinct and sometimes extreme levels of psychological, emotional and spiritual intelligence can alone be the ingredient to set you in a unique path in life.

People forget that every day we set the bar in how we want the world to treat us. How we take care of ourselves, put ourselves first – so that we can take care of others! Each time we say “yes” to others not wanting to, we are truly saying “no” to ourselves – being incongruent – creating mental and later on physical illness. We null ourselves so that we can “please” others – another perfect recipe for failure in relationships.

The world is full of “givers” and “takers” -The first ones – usually with self-esteem issues – can’t stop giving and have such a hard time accepting – until one day they fall into exhaustion and drop dead into depression. And on the other side there will always be the takers – the opportunists – trying to take advantage of all givers. Sadly one attracts the other until they realize their modus operandi; we don’t need to worry about the bloody suckers, they too will get their life’s lesson.

I know a lot of people who have the very same relationship with different people – they keep repeating the same pattern without realizing – and keep changing the antagonist – frustrated how they can never find the right person – again, they don’t get that until they become the right person, they will never attract such partner.

Everyone is looking for like minded people to be around. Wouldn’t be wonderful to find someone to share life with in that same state of mind!? Many people do and might experience their happily ever after – snapshots reflect that. What they fail to realize is that there is a constant evolution – we evolve as beings, experiencing our own journeys regardless who is our partner – and somehow believe we can still fit the new into the old “model”. I’ve heard the other day a priest saying that when a man finally meets “the woman” or vice-versa, that’s what their inner-voice sound like:

Him: – She is perfect. I hope she never changes…

Her: – He is great, not perfect but with me by his side, he will change…

What most likely will happen is:

Men expected they didn’t, but the certain thing is women will change

Women thought they could do it, but the truth is, men won’t change – unless they reach that need and make the choice by themselves.

Nobody changes anybody. We plant seeds, we cultivate, we suggest, we recommend, we set the bar, we take action, but we CANNOT change someone else – that is a inner decision and takes a lot time, investment, effort, persistence and patience (from the other side).

You can lead a horse to water, but you can‘t make it drink.

John Heywood

We are not the same person we were 10, 5 or even 2 years ago. The same happens to our partner – or partner-to-be. Life happens both sides, values & beliefs influence our life’s journey, circumstances might affect the way we perceive experiences, how we make decisions, what is important to us or not.

Some people believe and even say: “I am good. I am married already.” like it was a title they conquered and it doesn’t require maintenance. Being with someone is a daily decision, a choice we make.

We must invest in ourselves, to educate, to build what we want, to defend and fight for what we believe, to become entire, sure of ourselves, free and happy. Then it might happen in the process that the energy you emanate will touch another person in a similar journey and you will meet.

You don’t wait until you meet someone to become the person you wanna be, to determine your values & beliefs and to set your convictions. We are all under construction and grow with time once we invest into it and are influenced by the people we respect and admire. But we must be entire each step of the process and have an open mind to accept new perspectives.

The secret for a perfect relationship is to have each other truly committed and investing daily to help their partner become their Best Version. Understand what is important to the other, what they value, listen to them, help them transform their weakness, believe in them, empower their strengths, trust, love unconditionally, value their expertise, respect their point of view and try to learn from them. By both doing that you will build your unique foundation and grow you own perfect castle together.

Life is light and fun when you have someone to laugh about your own imperfections, the silly things you do every day, a person to play with and to make fun – your favorite weirdo.

It is a joy to experience life with a person you trust and want to be with. Another human being completely different, but that you can truly be yourself. Someone entire, that met another resolved, great being – not perfect – but the one that you want and choose to share life together.

What a blessing to be granted intelligence to create and use technology in our daily lives (despite the headaches and frustration it creates at times) it has reduced distances and made the world smaller and people closer, regardless of their geographic location!

I remember when I first started dating my husband. I used to live in Brasil (yes I will always spell my homeland as it is written there and it is engraved into my heart – “who knows it doesn’t forget, Brasil is spelled with ‘S'” – as Rita Lee song says…

He lived in Orlando Florida and we used to work for the same company. International calls were outrageously expensive, but God was merciful to us I was the support manager and he was the development manager for a Multinational company in the Telecommunication industry. We had to talk day and night about clients problems – 24×7 was expected in our managerial roles and we have a lot to thank them for it – It was the 3am in the morning call that made me fall in love with him, but this is subject for another post…

I remember the very first time we saw each other “live” – there was a meeting room that was a teleconference center and for eternal 5 minutes, I went there and he on the other side called me. Before that all we knew about each other were the tiny little faces on the organization chart and a picture of an old picture we had available and exchanged through email…

Nighttime, we used to chat a lot using Yahoo and Microsoft MSN, and actually used to think the other had a cute yellow face, always with a smile it was fun. Later in our relationship Skype was created and things got more real, but of course we didn’t know how to measure real life and the remote presence and exaggerated a little… But nothing compared to how people are enslaved to their phones these days.

I moved to United States in 2013 and Skype was still the way to see my boys in Brasil and schedule time to talk to my family ever now and then. Today we live in another world. Video conference is free and available all over the place. Thank God for Telehealth these days… imagine a pandemic with none of this available, like in was in 1917 – isolation was a real thing. Now, people call you using video with other 3 or more people waiting for you to answer, just to chat for a bit, say Hi, or wish a blessed day.

I am very grateful for technology and pray that people find the balance to use it in their favor and not let it rule their world.